Year on Purpose: Finding Healthy Rhythms starts with me
This year is all about finding healthy rhythms for me and my family. I think a lot of how I achieve that goal starts with me, finding healthy rhythms starts with me. Do I have peace? Am I able to keep my joy when everything around me seems to be burning down? (Insert that hilarious meme of the dog saying ‘This is fine’ while there is fire all around him. Can you see it?).
I’ll never forget the moment I heard how important the temperature of mom was to the health of the home. If mom gets angry, the whole house is upset. When mom is sad, everyone is uncomfortable and uneasy. If mom is anything but filled with peace and joy, the rest of the house struggles with keeping their own peace and joy. I have not done a bible study on this topic, but would love to in the future. For now, I can attest that this seems to be true in my own home.
My emotional health absolutely affects the emotional health of my husband and kiddos. While I still struggle with the fairness of this (I can literally hear my own voice telling my daughter ‘well life isn’t fair’), I do feel an extra responsibility to do my best for myself and for my family. My prediction is that if I’m able to keep my peace and joy in tough situations or even the day to day annoyances then all the other healthy rhythms I’m shooting for will fall into place.
The day I totally blew it
Yup. I blew it. I knew how important it was for me to keep my peace and joy for the health of my family. That healthy rhythms starts with me and I still lost my mind on them. It had been a trying week with my two and four year old and my husband had been working more than usual. I received unsolicited parenting advice from a sweet old man (who I’m sure meant well) at the grocery store that I was letting get to me. My house was a disaster zone. I felt defeated and that I was failing as a house keeper, wife, and mom. It was a total lie of course, but sometimes it can be easier than it should to go down that slippery slope. This particular week I didn’t just slide down, I dove head first.
The day I totally blew it came at the end of this particularly difficult week. The details honestly do not matter. It wasn’t even terribly horrific events that made me lose my mind. It was just a two year old being a two year old, and kids being kids. But I lost it anyway. My peace and joy flew right out the window and into another county I’m sure. I screamed, I acted in anger, and I enjoyed the rage while it lasted. Of course about two seconds after I was done throwing my tantrum I felt horrible. Worse than horrible. The look on my sweet kids faces made me want to crawl into a hole. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I had also lashed out at my husband who was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Swallowing my pride I apologized to God, my husband and children. From God, I asked for forgiveness. I told my husband that he did not do anything wrong, that I was just frustrated. I told my children that mommy makes mistakes too and that I should not have acted the way I did. They all forgave me and hugs and kisses were given out without hesitation. But the damage was done and I felt like a big ol’ pile of doo doo.
Why I blew it and how to not blow it next time
This was not the first time I’ve had a hard day or week. I’ve lost my mind before and felt horrible then too. Why did this happen? Why do I do the very thing I’ve been working so hard not to do? I find so much comfort in what Paul wrote in Romans:
For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Romans 7:15
I feel so loved by God in those moments that I have completely failed when I read this verse. God wouldn’t have put this in His word if it wasn’t important. I’m not alone, I’m human and humans mess up. God is not surprised by this. It’s why He gave us Jesus.
So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand.22 For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, 23 but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. 24 Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin. Romans 7:21-25
When I think about that horrible day I lost my mind on my family, I can trace back why it happened to one simple thing. I wasn’t spending time with Jesus. It was a crazy busy week and I was still trying to figure out how to spend time with Jesus every morning. But it wasn’t going well. My ‘Jesus tank’ was empty and I wasn’t doing what I should to fill it back up. I replaced quiet time with Jesus with stressful TV shows and podcasts. I chose comfort and ease over being healthy and doing what was right. The Holy Spirit wasn’t able to reach me because I was not listening. I was too busy feeling exhausted and sorry for myself. Wow, did I have it all wrong!
God Uses our ugly days for his glory
As much as I hate having an embarrassing and horrific moment like I did, I’m so very grateful that God can use the ugly days for His glory. It snapped me out of my busy fog. I was immediately reminded of what I was doing wrong and what I should be doing instead. It was like a jolt of energy towards listening to the ‘still small voice’ again. A renewed passion for my love for Jesus and all that He has done and doing for me. A reminder of what I’m here for and my mission as a follower of Jesus Christ. It’s not about surviving busy days. It’s about keeping my peace and joy even in the busy days. About enjoying my family and loving them enough to make time with Jesus a priority.
We cannot give what we do not have. If we do not have peace and joy that only God can give us we cannot give peace and joy to our families.
A healthy home starts with mom
So just how do I keep my peace and joy? What healthy rhythms will help me achieve this? I absolutely love this question because it is so simple.
Time with Jesus. Every. Single. Day.
That’s right, I’m banking my entire goal of growing into a person who can keep her peace and her joy even while the world is burning around me on 20-30 minutes a day with the King of kings and Lord of lords. I truly believe that healthy rhythms starts with me and I need Jesus every single day to bring these healthy rhythms into my family home. How do I know this will work? Because God says it will.
“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” Isaiah 26:3
“Jesus answered them, “Do you now believe? Behold, the hour is coming, indeed it has come, when you will be scattered, each to his own home, and will leave me alone. Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me. I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:31-33
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Philippians 4:4
Until now you have asked nothing in my name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full. John 16:24
A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22
Setting Daily Goals
Because of the season I am in with littles my goal is 20-30 minutes every morning with Jesus. This may look different every day, but I want to start each day with God. I am planning on studying the Bible, praying, traditional bible studies, reading faith based books about biblical and family topics, quiet time of being still and listening to God, worshiping, etc. I’m open to anything God has for me during this time. The important thing is keeping my heart right. Not letting myself get distracted during this time.
Limit Distractions
If healthy rhythms starts with me then I need to commit to limit distractions to spending time with Jesus. In order to do this I will need to wake up very early. My oldest daughter has a lot of her mama in her and wakes up EARLY. She also loves to talk and tell me everything about everything. If I ask her to ‘tell me all about’ something, she does! Which I love but do not always feel like I have time for. It’s a balancing act, but for time with Jesus… it’s a huge distraction.
I’ve tried to have quiet time with Jesus while she is awake for the last couple years and sometimes it goes okay, but most times I do not get much quiet time. I have learned to spend time with Jesus just throughout my day and to remember that Jesus meets us right where we are. I’ve hung my hat on the fact that Jesus is with us while we are doing something as menial as washing the dishes. While there is so much value in that, I have decided that this year I am ready for more.
I’m hoping you’ll join me in committing to time every day with Jesus. God has shown me over and over again that healthy rhythms starts with me and no matter what season you are in I know time with Jesus will be time well spent for you too. It may, and probably will look different than mine, and that is absolutely okay! You may have less time or more time than I do. You may have a very specific plan to spend time with Jesus or more loosey goosey like me.
The important thing is just spending time with Jesus.
Every. Single. Day.
If you are interested in where I got my bible from check out The Daily Grace Co. I am not affiliated with them, just love the company and all their beautiful products. I also love the bible highlighters seen in the above picture.
